


girl almighty

by jessewrites



Series: trans laura [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: (briefly) - Freeform, Dysphoria, Friends as Family, Gen, Laura-centric, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Girl Laura Hollis, actually its more of a prequel, but yeah, sequel to "fireproof" but can definitely be read alone, there aren't any romantic relationships but laura and danny's friendship is so!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6010528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessewrites/pseuds/jessewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trans girl Laura AU, part two, featuring, among other things: two birthday presents, friends that are more like family, and the realization that great makeup changes lives.</p><p>(or: laura doesn't realize it was possible to love herself this much. or at all, really.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	girl almighty

**Author's Note:**

> hello !! it's been a long time coming, but i finally finished the sequel to the trans laura fic!! 
> 
> a note: i am not a trans girl, so if you are transfeminine and see something wrong here, please don't hesitate to call me out!! ok cool
> 
> title is from "girl almighty" by one direction

When Laura Hollis is fifteen, she comes out to her dad. They both cry, and she wishes her mom was there, and in the end it turns out okay. More okay than she’d ever dared to hope. Sort of.

“I guess we’ll have to get you some new clothes then, huh, kiddo?” her Dad says. Laura’s pretty sure her grin is going to break her cheeks until she realizes that’s not going to work.

“Nobody knows, Dad,” she says, and she hates it. “Only, like, Danny and LaFontaine and all them, and now you. So I’d never be able to wear them.” She’s making herself sad, and she knows it, and she  _ never  _ does that (Laura is a very positive person!).

“Well, you could wear it on weekends, or something like that. I know having all those ‘boy’ clothes has made you... uncomfortable, and now I see why-”

“It doesn’t work like that, Dad!” Laura half-shouts. She  _ hates _ when she’s like this, but she’s so scared that her dad will convince her to get the clothes that she ( ~~needs~~ ) doesn’t want.

\---

Three weeks later it’s Laura’s birthday - a Saturday for the first time in years. She doesn’t have a big party. It’s just her and Danny, along with LaF and Perry. It’s nice, and it’s fun, and it’s safe. Her dad even got them a crappy cake from the supermarket - one that says “Happy Birthday Laura”. She wouldn’t wish for a better-tasting cake for the world.

“So, Laura, are you going to open presents?” Danny says. Laura can tell that she obviously wants her to open hers first, but she plays along.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Laura shrugs. “Didn’t I tell you guys not to buy me stuff? You know I-”

Danny lets out an actual  _ whine  _ here, and Laura can’t help but laugh. She picks up a small bag, unmarked except for the name  _ Laura  _ hastily scrawled on the front in classic Danny fashion.

There aren’t any ribbons or bows or tissue paper, but that doesn’t stop Laura’s eyes from watering. In the bag there’s more makeup than Laura’s ever seen, except maybe at the department store counters in the mall. And it all seems really nice, too, not like this was a last-minute idea. 

“I can help you try it on,” Danny offers, and Laura just nods.  It takes all she has not to start crying completely. 

“Thank you,” Laura sniffles, and she’s laughing at herself too. “Sorry for crying on you.”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Honestly. I love you, okay? I’m glad you’re so happy.” Danny assures her, offering a smile.

“Well jeez, how can I follow  _ that, _ ” LaF says in mock-disgust, pushing their own present towards Laura.

Laura laughs and reaches for the neatly wrapped package in LaF’s hands.

“Did Perry help you wrap this?”

“How did you ever guess?” (Everyone laughs at that - even Perry.)

Laura pulls the wrapping off to find a necklace, still new in its box. She lets out a small gasp of surprise.

“It’s beautiful.”

“I knew you’d love it,” LaFontaine says. “Or- Perry knew you’d love it. I agreed.  _ And  _ it’s small enough that you can wear it under a scarf or something. Hey, speaking of-”

“Right here, love,” Perry pipes up for the first time, offering a simple bag similar to Danny’s. Inside is a green scarf, something soft and “girly” enough to feel feminine for Laura but masculine enough that most people wouldn’t bat an eye.

Laura does start crying now, full-on tears and hiding her face in her hands and choking-laughing.

“Thank you guys. Honestly. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

At this point, everyone’s got at least a few tears in their eyes, but every single one of them are happy tears.  _ That’s unusual _ , Laura thinks. The thought makes her laugh, although she thinks she should be crying.

_ Today is weird _ , she decides.

_ Surprisingly, amazingly weird. _

Later, Danny does fulfill her promise of helping Laura with makeup. It’s not even that much - foundation, mascara, a little eyeshadow and lipstick - but Laura loves it. She’s thanking Danny over and over for almost the entire twenty minutes it takes to apply the makeup. She messed up a few times, three or four stray smudges or misplaced colors, but Laura doesn’t care.

She’s never felt more beautiful in her life. No. Scratch that.

She’s never really felt beautiful in her life at all, until now.

Laura goes to bed that night smiling for the first time in what feels like a lifetime..

\---

When Laura comes home from school the next Monday, her dad’s waiting for her in the kitchen. He’s grinning like an idiot and seems really excited about something Laura can’t see.

“Hey Dad,” she says cautiously. “What’s up?”

In response he simply holds out a plastic bag. Something from a department store, Laura thinks, although she can’t see any logos or anything.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart! Sorry I’m a little late.” He laughs a little, and Laura puts it together just as she takes the bag.

“Dad, I told you not to buy me any clothes!” Laura hates how close she sounds to whining, but she can’t help it.

“Just try it on, please. I can return it if you really don’t like it.”

Laura sighs, realizing she can’t win here. She half-stomps back to her room to see just how bad this dress is. She dumps the bag onto her bed unceremoniously, bracing for the worst and-

_ Oh.  _

It’s a simple white sundress, nothing too colorful or extravagant.  There’s a wide, graceful neckline and the fabric is a little wavy and  _ really  _ cute and she loves it. It’s amazing.

She’s almost hesitant to actually try it on. The chance of it actually fitting and looking good is so small that she doesn’t want to risk it.

Something, though, possesses her to slowly undress, leaving her clothes in a neat pile at her feet. Now she’s left staring at the dress, trying to psych herself up to actually put it on. Eventually she’s holding her breath as she steps into the dress.

For one moment, Laura is euphoric. She’s a girl, wearing a dress, and it’s normal. It’s good. It’s great, even.

Until she starts to think about. Until she can’t help but notice how the beautiful neckline is stretched across her too-broad shoulders. Until she can’t help but see how her chest doesn’t fill out the front of the dress, and she can’t even pretend it does. Until her waist has to squeeze into the dress made for curves.

Until she realizes that she is, in pretty much every way, just a boy in a dress.

Laura  _ knows  _ that’s not true, logically, but that doesn’t really help right now. Tears begin to well in her eyes, and she tries to fight them back but they start rolling down her cheeks anyway.

It takes everything she has to take off the dress carefully, not to rip and tear and shred it off. She’s not a violent person, or even a loud one. She’s not. But sometimes she just wants to scream and punch and kick until somebody listens.

She’s full-on sobbing now. She tries to keep her choking breaths low, hopes her Dad can’t hear her.

God, her mascara is running. She’s ruining the little makeup she let Danny put on her this morning.

Laura doesn’t feel beautiful anymore.

Ten minutes later she’s managed mostly calm down. Enough to face her dad, anyway.

She tells him the dress doesn’t fit.

\---

Two weeks after the dress incident, Laura has mostly gotten over it. She’d texted Danny about it a few days later, mostly for her own benefit. Danny completely understood. She even insisted on taking Laura shopping - for a “real dress,” she’d said. One that fit. Laura had tried to protest, but Danny insisted.

So, three hours and only about ten minutes of crying later, Laura Hollis owns a dress. Sort of. It’s a skirt with a nice matching top. Either way, it makes Laura happy, just to own the outfit.

“You just wasted your Saturday watching me try on eighty million dresses,” Laura says as they’re walking out of the mall. “Sorry about that.”

“Laura, oh my God, stop.” Danny’s sigh is heavy, but she’s grinning the whole time. “I had fun, okay? It was great. It was awesome. Not like I would’ve done anything fun at home, anyway. I should be thanking you for letting me drag you to the mall.”

\---

On Monday, Laura wears the new shirt she’d gotten at the mall. It’s under a heavy sweatshirt to prevent anyone noticing, but Laura notices. She pairs it with a pair of sweatpants so thin that they’re basically leggings. She looks cute, if she does say so herself. It’s strange, wearing a “girl” outfit and not feeling afraid. She likes it.

During lunch, she ducks into the girls’ bathroom to make sure her hair still looks okay. She’s grinning the whole time, and it doesn’t even occur to her to worry that she looks weird.

\---

It’s been a week since she wore Danny’s outfit to school, and Laura thinks she’s ready to try again. Not at school, she thinks. Not quite yet. It’s Saturday, though, which means she has an excuse to go somewhere for real - not just Danny’s or the grocery store or something. After texting Danny, she decides to go to the mall, just to window shop. Because she can. So she grabs her keys and tells her dad she’ll be back before dark.

As she drives, Laura realizes she actually likes the way she looks today, smudged eyeliner and all. It’s a nice feeling. And she’s going the bookstore in the mall, one of her favorite places ever. And she drove herself, thanks to the brand new drivers’ permit in her purse.  _ And  _ she’s singing along to the radio at the top of her lungs just because it’s fun. It’s hard for Laura to imagine a better day, honestly. She smiles at her reflection in the rearview mirror before stepping out to face the day. 

Her heels click on the pavement, and she feels powerful. Her skirt matches her top and she feels beautiful.

A soft breeze blows through her hair, and Laura Hollis feels free.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading !! as always, comments/kudos are much appreciated :)


End file.
